Thought Balloon

This year was my 5th and final year of university and because of all the work I had to do I took an impromptu hiatus from lolita fashion. I felt so sad every time I missed a meet and missed seeing my friends. I got depressed every time I opened my closet to see my beautiful dresses just hanging there going to waste. The thought of leaving lolita came across my mind once or twice, but deep down I really knew that I didn't want to.

Now my thesis is complete (well, almost... Due tomorrow) and I can finally get back into lolita fashion and I don't think I've been happier :)

My Chess Chocolate reservation arrived in the mail today!
( Here are some photos! )

I usually write things like this down in notebooks or journals that I keep beside my bed, but I type faster than I write and I just kind of need to babble. And that's what I do best when typing. I don't usually try to post personal stuff online because I'm sure not many people care to read about my life, plus I don't really like people I know in real life reading my thoughts and thinking that I'm a completely different person than they thought they knew. LJ seems to be one of the only places my IRL friends haven't infiltrated, so I guess it's best to post here.

I've been feeling lonely lately. I watched the entire series "AnoHana" in one go a few weeks ago and it really hit me hard. It made me think of friendships, past and current.

I've noticed that I've kind of distanced myself from my college friends but not on purpose, just because we live in different places and are at least an hour away from each other. I think I'm feeling distanced from them because the majority of them graduated this year and I decided to stay for a 5th year. I feel like it's like I'm being left behind, when in reality I know that I'm not and that they're all really amazing people and I'm so glad that we're all friends.

My high school friends are a whole other story. In high school I sometimes thought about what it was going to be like when we all moved on to college and didn't see each other every day. I always wondered why my mum never mentioned any of her friends from high school or college and I never understood it. Staying in contact and hanging out... It kind of worked out for the first couple years of university, but now it seems like we've all grown apart and have lost contact. It makes me sad.

It makes me sad because I wish I could have been there for them during some of the hard times that I know have happened lately...
Liz's mom getting sick and passing away...
Rachel moving away...
Stef's relationship...
I feel like I've been a terrible friend to them and I'm scared that if I reach out now it's going to be too late and that that connection we had so many years ago has died and withered away. And to add to the "terrible friend" thing, I ended up blocking some of them from my Facebook news feed because I couldn't stand seeing them having fun with other people. It made me feel sad, alone, and rejected.

I just wish I could have one more day with all of them. Just to hang out like we used to. And a moment when I could just apologize to them and let them know that I love them all still and that I'll never stop thinking of them as my friends. We went through so much together, it's sad that our friendship has more or less ended.

I just feel so alone right now. And like my life is going nowhere.

A HUGE thank you to meowkittyzombie! Star Night Theatre arrived in my mailbox today! I'm still all kind of giddy and sat for a good while just looking at all the beautiful details of the print. I am so happy and I can't thank her enough for this lovely dress :) I'm excited to get a chance to wear it, and I can say that it was worth every penny. Thank you again ^___^~


In other wicked-fantastic-awesome news, my Candy Treat purse is finally on the move. After more than a week of sitting around and the tracking details being "Item temporarily delayed as we resume operations" and myself clawing at my computer screen wanting more information, FINALLY today the status was updated and it's now in Vancouver. Unfortunately it's got to go through customs, so I'm praying that customs won't hold it for too long. I've been waiting since APRIL for this bag. I'm dying over here. Just give it to meee...!

But unfortunately, my Sugary Carnival socks are still delayed. I'm gonna die on the spot if everything I've ordered (and have been patiently waiting for) doesn't show up before FanExpo. I will die. On. The. Spot. I'm also still waiting on a wig and a custom Chocomint shooting star brooch that I'm kind of worried about. I think I'll message the girl on Etsy about it and see what's up. Along with another couple small things like stationery and stickers that aren't overly important but I still want them asap.

Hohum. All I can do is wait now! BAHHH.

Thought I'd post up some more of my Polyvore playtime creations :3

I love playing on Polyvore
Star Night Theatre coordination.
I need this dress in my life.

DREAM LIST

DRESSES + HEADBOWS
Angelic Pretty: Chess Chocolate JSK + Headbow
• Pink
• Mint
• Ivory
Angelic Pretty: Fruits Parlor High-Waisted JSK + Headbow
• Pink colourway
Angelic Pretty: Toy Fantasy Salopette + Headbow
• Sax colourway
Baby The Stars Shine Bright: Chocolate Fascinate Fairytale Chocolierre JSK + Headbow
• Brown colourway JSK
• Ivory colourway headbow
• Pink colourway

Angelic Pretty or DOL: Milky Planet JSK + Headbow
• Lavender colourway
• Yellow colourway
Angelic Pretty: Happy Garden JSK
• Sax colourway
Angelic Pretty: Jewelry Jelly JSK + Headbow
• Mint colourway
SHOES
Any Brand: Tea Party Shoes
• White
• Black
• Yellow
• Brown
• Lavender
• Mint
• Pink

Angelic Pretty or DOL: Candy Treat Bag
• Pink x White
• Pink x Purple
Angelic Pretty: Melty Chocolate Bag
• Pink x Brown

Okay... so this isn't what I was hoping would arrive in the mail for me first, but hey. I'll take anything at this point. I've been waiting for these pukupuku taiyaki cookies since the end of May. Unfortunately it's really warm outside and I didn't know they were in my mailbox, so the bubbly chocolate centre seems to have melted to oblivion :(

They're still very tasty. I ordered three and ate one already because in addition to the chocolate being melted, the cookie was smashed too. I'm kind of disappointed, but at the same time I'm glad something finally came in the mail for me. Only 8 things to go.

Sigh.